chainsaw_header‘Using the chainsaw provided, please proceed to remove one arm and one leg, and then deposit them neatly into the retractable basket. Help us keep the gore and sinewy waste to a minimum by cleaning up your payment area (bandages, alcohol wipes, a mop and wet-vac have been provided for your use). There may be a surcharge of pinky-toes or earlobes to compensate for fuel consumed by the saw during the remittance procedure. Once this process is complete, please maintain consciousness (despite blood loss): remove nozzle, select grade and begin fueling.’

Oh hey! Sorry, didn’t see you there. I’ll be right with you in a hot minute. Just let me finish paying for this gas. Hmmm, looks like next week it’ll be my immortal soul, followed by a sacrifice of my first born to the pagan gods of petrol.

Ya know filling up on the regular (as in scheduled time, not fuel grade) and getting a few extra cans as needed ain’t such a bad idea. But hoarding mass quantities isn’t helping. You’ll run out eventually and still have to pay. In the meanwhile, you’re just making those actually in need go without and helping to raise the price at the pumps.

Here’s a nifty idea, instead of seeing how much we can get or far we can go, we go without and go less. Only travel when you have to. Make each trip count instead of counting on multiple trips. Consider: how much gas do you waste going back out to get gas? The price of gas is ultimately determined by its demand; ergo, use less and the price drops.

Ah, but who wants to work towards solving our own problems? It’s easier to complain and blame the government, rather than adjust our lifestyles. Besides, who has time to think about the price of a gallon of gas now when a gallon of milk costs so much more?

Is there really a food shortage? Have you been to a grocery store lately? Did you stop to fill up on the way (multi-purpose trippin’)? Or were you afraid to go? Can’t blame you, the risk of getting shot in the produce aisle has increased exponentially. And if you do get shot, going to the hospital isn’t much safer. Apparently shooting is no longer restricted to higher education.

“You can’t take our guns away!” Wait, what??? Nobody said anything about taking away guns. “I got rights, it says so in the Constitution!” Yes, we all have rights. Nobody’s questioning those rights. But bear in mind the people who you think would take your guns are the same ones that created and enforce said Constitution. Honestly, if they want your guns, they’ll take them. “Over my dead body!” Exactly! But right now nobody is after your guns or your rights. It’s not like we live in a communist society… yet. Hmmm…

Maybe stocking up on petrol, foodstuffs and ammo is a reasonable suggestion. But how can you afford to stock up? Why does everything suddenly (or so it seems) cost so damned much? Shortages, high demand, wastefulness? Or did anyone not realize that when you spontaneously raised the minimum wage to ridiculous heights that the price of everything would go up as well?

And still, no one wants to work.

Too many have become spoiled to effortless fiscal gain through stimulation. Why should anyone have to work when the government can support all of us? Seriously? Does anyone not see the asinine lack of logic there? Not to mention a BIG step towards that communist regime everyone’s worried about.

Think for just a minute. If nobody works and we all get free money, what pray tell would you do with those legally ill-gotten, unearned gains? There’d be nowhere to go, no fuel to get there and no one to serve or deliver. Nobody’s working, remember?

But hey, why apply logic, common sense or consider our necessary contributions to continue society? It’s all about ME nowadays. But can YOU really, truly and completely take care of yourself… all by yourself?

Our race as a whole tends to constantly let things fall forgotten into the background. Ignoring or endlessly arguing anything that makes anyone uncomfortable. There’s not enough time left here for any realistic solutions, and space is limited due to the rapidly growing pachyderm population.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com. Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya.