Have Chainsaw Will Travel

For roughly the next 15 minutes you are the sole survivor of a bus crash… still in progress at this time! Hold up… wait… don’t panic — you are not actually in the midst of a currently crashing bus. Actually you could very well be, I have no idea where you’re reading this, but suddenly deciding to read this column would seem a rather strange reaction to a bus accident.

This is just a subliminally suggestive scenario which will require you to think, choose your own outcome and learn a little about yourself in the process. Hopefully as you’re reading this you’re not on a bus… that has run off a bridge… and is slowly sinking into the dark, deep, rapid current of a river.

Completely submerged, the “break in case of emergency” windows are broken… not successfully, but as in not working. The water’s rising, you’ve already called 911 and all venues of escape are inescapable. You’ve just enough time (and air) for one last selfie (# sinkin onna bus?), make one last call, or send one last message or record one. Who would you contact? What would you say? Would making duck lips be ironic if you drowned? Of course you wouldn’t have even been on that bus… if you’d gone with the aliens.

You’ve been abducted by aliens… little, nice ones. After a non-invasive medical exam, they politely request you to join them as the representative for Earth and travel across the universe. Sorry, no time for good byes, and though you’ll live much longer due to hyper sleep, you’ll never see earth again within your lifetime. Would you go? Would it make a difference if you could bring a friend, or if they were rescuing you on the eve of our planet’s destruction?

You’ve been abducted, same s*** different aliens… big, mean ones this time. After an extremely invasive medical exam, you manage to escape aboard their ship and, using Google translate, discover their scheme to take over and destroy earth. You’ve one chance to stop them: blow up their ship and save the world. But you’ll die in the process and no one will ever know — unsung hero or intergalactic stowaway? If only you could go back and tell yourself whom to be abducted by.

You’ve got 10 minutes! That’s all the time machine will allow, one and only one roundtrip ticket to the past. You can go back to any time, any place and most importantly interact with anyone in the past, but for only 10 minutes. Where would you go? When would you go? Who would you talk to? Would you want to just go to witness an event? Prevent a disaster? Send a warning? Spare yourself anguish… would you listen to you?

Would you? If a person, who bore a striking resemblance to you (just older maybe with a limp), and knew things only you would (they know exactly what you did last summer), showed up at your door with a future events warning, would you listen? Would you believe it was you? Would you take heed of their warning? What becomes of them if you do? Would they limp back to their reality or yours? Would it create an alternate reality?

You discover an alternate reality in which you are evil (we’re talking like Hitler evil here!) Would you kill yourself?

You discover an alternate reality in which you are doing much better than you. Would you kill yourself and take your place? Or could the two of you co-exist and share? How generous would you be to yourself? What if you weren’t just you?

What if while helping a younger relative with a science fair project you accidentally create a duplicating machine and now you’re all over the place. Would you attempt to destroy your clones because according to every movie on the subject ever, those clones will eventually turn evil? Or would you lead them? What if you find out that you are a clone? Would you listen to you… or turn evil?

You’ve been given a free pass good for one act of maliciousness any time, any place to anything or anyone. If you could do one bad thing and never have to accept responsibility or be punished for it, what would you do? Would you do anything… or are you going to lie about it?

I welcome almost all questions, comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com.

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused! See ya.