Apps are the new remote control! And who doesn’t fondly remember their first? Never to be forgotten was the day we sat on the couch, pointed a button-riddled plastic life-altering device, pressed a control and “POOF!” changed the TV channel. Wowzer…magic! Of course, this new-found technology coincided with the term couch potato but there’s always a catch.

Anywho, what feels like a millennium of technological advances later (actually, only a handful of decades) and Apps have miraculously emerged to assist us in the day-to-day function of our lives. Apparently, because we need them.

Yes, the App attack is a full-blown digital onslaught of Apps created for calendars, calculators, dating, banking, movies, music, gaming, dog training, cooking, motivation, flashlights, weight loss, weight gain, DIY projects, fashion, wedding planning, crafts, photos, travel, hopeless romantics and… Wait! I need to breathe. Pant, pant! Whew, you name it and there is an App for it!

Normally, I don’t sit around contemplating Apps. In fact, I never do. However, in the necessity of errands I’ve realized that I’m being spied upon without prior knowledge or consent. Especially since I’m not the techy type I can shamelessly admit, having an App for every occasion isn’t on my bucket list. Therefore, when I receive a message on my phone as soon as I exit an establishment asking, “Rate Your Experience” I feel it’s an invasion of my privacy.

Personally, I don’t consider telling the Arby’s App I just stopped in to tinkle a must. Besides, rating it would hover somewhere around one star since it’s fairly uneventful. Unless, I’m shopping in a big box store, wearing complicated clothing, carrying a gaggle of plastic bagged purchases and two gaping holes stare back at me where the hook should be to hang my purse. Need I mention…there’s no TP! Under these circumstances, a simple ‘relief’ occasion turns into a plethora of acrobatic performances complemented by a multitude of balanced maneuvers. And it often goes without saying…the previous occupant didn’t feel the need to flush. Rating: -1 bazillion! (Only a mild exaggeration for effect.)

Of course, marketing giants are not interested in lavatory enlightenments when asking, ‘Rate Your Experience.’ For now, anyway. However, in the not-to-distant future what if the day came when a bathroom visit in your own home signals the manufacturer of your washroom accommodations, toiletry articles, or one-ply vs. two-ply preferences to ask you to ‘Rate Your Experience’? FYI: Leave phone on couch when you need to…well, anyway. Then they’ll think you’re just a couch potato with a remote.

Besides, it’s bad enough they know our every move. Just imagine if technology reaches the relationship realm of…you know…and an intimate encounter is immediately followed by a cigarette and an App beeping on your phone asking you to ‘Rate Your Experience.’ (Oh, for Pete’s sake surely some things will remain sacred!)

Furthermore, they, whoever ‘they’ are, know where we shop, what we purchase, where we eat, what music we like, the movies we watch, our personal hygiene preferences, who’s our type (singles only), where we bank, the car we drive and what we had for dinner because we take pictures and post it ALL on social media. Yikes, they probably know more about us than we do.

Seriously though, I’ve never been a huge fan of technology. Especially when it encroaches too close for comfort. Like asking me ‘Rate Your Experience’ when I leave a store or restaurant. Honestly, I get a creepy feeling like I’m being followed. Therefore, I say…bring back the ‘comment card’.  That way, if I feel the need to let you know how my experience was in your establishment, I will let you know. Until then, my experience with ‘Rate Your Experience’ is -10 stars.

Can you imagine…if there was an App monitor to silence other Apps?

Smile, it’s definitely 5 stars!

CanYouImagine@charter.net

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