“Home… home on the stwange; where stuffed bears and the jackawope pway. Where things that you heared are distuwbingly weird and… they say there’s awts and cwafts for those who will wait! Some make t-shiwts but I‘d wather do paints! I’d wather finger-paint with sinners than dye with the saints. Cuz paints are more-better fun… you know only the good tie-dye young! I tell ya… only the good tie-dye young… and we’re gonna wive four-ever if you can tell me how to get to Sesame Stweet!!!”
Words cannot describe the sensation of being awakened at 2:47am on a Saturday morning by a mashed-up collaboration of lyrics from Dr. Brewster M. Higley’s 1874 poem “My Western Home” and Billy Joel’s 1977 “Only the Good Die Young.” All sung full volume, in a wailing rock-opera style, by a stuffed yellow bear with a speech-impediment, with a lobster on cowbell.
Shrugging into a flannel bathrobe, slipping into fuzzy wolf-man slippers (don’t judge) we stagger into the office to find John Q. (my stuffed bear side-kick) and William (his pet lobster) at the computers helm. “John… what the Hellmans’ (mayonnaise)… it’s 3 o’clock in the morning and…” He cuts me off- “Mistew Chainsaw-man how vewy unpwofessionable of you! We are wive in the studios wif our daiwy podcasts- Generally Educated Talking Bruin and Crustacean Knowledge or G.E.T.B.A.C.K.! We are having opened fourums on the pandemic being the big suck and… making us (sniffle) miss our fwiends.”
With this John tears up. He’s been kinda down since his partner in crime — Frank the Angel of Death, has been away so much lately — for obvious reasons. But, much like a preschooler with the memory of a goldfish on crack, he bounces back almost instantly.
“Oh Mistew Chainsaw-man,” he squeals excitedly, “since you’we here and kind of a wocal poowa man’s celebwity (gee thanks for that kick to the ego-testicles John), maybe you could say encowaging words for peoples to get shot!”
Encourage people to get shot??? John what kind of kamikaze podcast is this??? He puts on his ‘let me try that again’ face. “Not got shoted but to get the shot…for the 19 diseases!”
Oh John… sorry man. I can’t really, with a clear conscious, endorse anyone getting the Corvid 19 vaccine. You see it’s like this…
DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions stated here are of that of the writer and his alone (unless of course you feel the same way). They in no way reflect the views of the FOCUS staff or contributing writers. In addition any decision to receive or deny medical attention or treatment should be left to the individual or trained medical professionals. An old adage, that consistently proves true, is that “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” Problem with the Corona virus is that most folks wanna get pounded before they give an ounce. Complaining about or refusing to mask-up and ignoring or openly rebelling against social distancing. Those are the ounces folks. Requested for everyone’s benefit by the CDC… not the government… because no one wants to do what the government tells them to.
Now here comes the pound via vaccine (endorsed and encouraged by the government BTW), and everyone’s desperate to participate. What they don’t get is that it’s not a one-time, one-shot cure-all; it won’t make you indefinitely immune or permanently prevent you from catching it. Nor will it make you exempt from following any of the CDC’s guidelines. It will not make “all this” just go away!
What it may do is lessen your chances of contraction for an undetermined timeframe… or turn you into a friggin’ zombie … no one knows what the final outcome may be. But another old adage is that, sometimes the cure is worse than the disease. In this instance do we really know enough about this disease to have a reliable vaccine?
It’s biological-warfare attack, population control, it’s over there over here, kills thousands, it’s a hoax, it’s real and is so wrapped up in the political machine no one’s 100% of what the hell’s going on, but an impromptu vaccine doesn’t sound like a sound answer. Personally, this seems way too much like the opening set-up for a diseased based apocalypse scenario.
Next week tune in for fun tips on how to survive a disease based zombie apocalypse. I welcome almost all questions, comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me at email@example.com. Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused! See ya.
Editor’s note: Chainsaw’s Disclaimer about this column should be taken to heart. The COVID-19 vaccines were developed quickly because wealthy nations poured tons of money into them. Decades of scientific research using DNA and RNA for vaccines was also a boon to the effort. There may be no solid answers to all the questions or fears about COVID-19 and the vaccine. Sometimes all we can do is trust our gut feelings and lean heavily on science. Immunity is not immediate with the vaccine, though once achieved, it is hoped it will last for years. Because the virus mutates quickly, masking and other precautions will be necessary for a while. But certainly, fewer people will die from the virus if enough people vaccinate. For one (of many) good articles on the vaccine, go to https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-020-03626-1.