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We are not even going to bother with the wishing of you a “Happy New Year” for various reasons. For beginners (as in our first point, not as in people who are just learning stuff), that ship has sailed, left port almost two weeks ago and has already drifted out to sea. Whether anyone likes it or admits it, we must accept the fact that there is an expiration date to belated well wishing. “Happy Birthday” a month late is unacceptable and kinda cruel.

Now for middlers <= (oddly this is not a word, so what would you call stuff in the middle of…stuff?) we don’t want to push positivity on anyone involuntarily. With the ease in which people become offended these days we mustn’t insist upon them feeling any particular way about anything. Maybe they prefer a sad or angry year. Or maybe they don’t wish the emotional condition of their year to be judged. However, “Have a miscellaneous, indiscriminate year with an emotional attachment that suits your personal state of being,” seems like a little much to say and didn’t do well on greeting cards according to test groups.

Finally for enders – it’s not a “New Year”! If you look closely and peel back the protective coating you can clearly see the watermarks of 1998. Upon closer inspection you’ll see that those numbers have been tampered with, realigned from 1899. The point is there is nothing new about this year or any previous or future ones; same s*** different 365 day time span.

Nothing really changes, and if we’d all just accept that and move on, maybe things would. Still people find it necessary to set the coming year as their stage for change. Don’t get me wrong, anyone who chooses to improve themselves or make changes for the better, by all means ­— full support. But honestly if you are going to change, you will do so when you’re ready and don’t need a set time to do it in. So why bother celebrating something new and different when it’s not?

Don’t get me wrong, we should celebrate life and the people we share it with at every given opportunity. But if a “New Year” means change, meaning things will be different, why are all celebrations the same: drink in excess, dance badly and try to get laid.

Don’t get me wrong, social drinking can make for a good time and lighten the mood. Everyone should be allowed a chance to dance…until they prove they can’t and should be stopped at all costs. And there’s nothing wrong with being intoxicated and going to bed with strangers… hahahahahahaha when you say it out loud you see how stupid that is. But does this have to be the status quo for every celebration and every holiday?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of repetition. Being able to make and keep plans, as well as having some things on a set schedule, helps keep life moving at a manageable pace. But shouldn’t some things be pressed to be different and new, especially if you’re celebrating something new?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a big fan of repetition. Traditions should be respected. But should the celebration of new things be celebrated in big new traditional ways? I.E., shouldn’t it be handled like a president promising big changes, dealing with an old problem in a new untraditional way, in the way of a massive architectural structure? (Yes, admittedly that was a bit of a stretch.)

Don’t get me wrong, there must be a better way to deal with illegal aliens. But building a giant wall would be pointless: U.F.O.’s could fly right over that thing. You’d need a dome.

Don’t get me wrong, walls are great, they hold up roofs. But the dome just goes to show that in most cases the book is better than the movie… or television series.

Don’t get me wrong, some movies and TV series based on literary works bring the author’s vision to life in a new visual medium. But do they have to try to bring everything Stephen King writes to the cutting table?

Don’t get me wrong, Mr. King is one of the greatest horror/fiction writers and an inspiration to many a writer, myself included. But do we have to be subjected to multiple cinematic retakes of remakes of his books turned into films?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to see some films updated and remade for new audiences, as long as they stay true to the source material. But in many cases, studios are obviously just re-using a title due to past success as a cash grab. New versions of old films which pale in comparison to its namesake because they rely solely on the name to sell it, and aside from the name it sucks!

Don’t get me wrong, I love things that suck (careful… oh so careful, we are treading dangerous waters with that line). Vacuum-cleaners make the world a cleaner place (whew) without them how would we remove all the dirt and small debris? But sadly, it can only remove it from our carpets, not our souls. For that we’d have to change the carpet.

Don’t get me wrong, change is good! But nothing ever really changes.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com .

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

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