chainsaw_headerAquatic Query: If an octopus loses an arm (leg… tentacle?) does that make it a septopus? How many arms/legs/tentacles must it lose to qualify for handicapped status? If it loses all its arms/legs/tentacles would it be considered an octoplegic? Or start a new career as a volley ball?

This has nothing to do with this week’s article, just pointing out the fact there aren’t enough disabled access ramps in the ocean.

Spring has finally sprung! Well, actually it sprang about 2 weeks ago. But the weather’s been kinda crappy, wet and cold so the springing is more of a delayed reaction, as opposed to instant sprung gratification. Whatever, it’s here now so let’s get on with this.

Ah yes, springtime. It’s time to shed our winter coats and head outdoors. The sun is shining, everything is growing, the flowers are blooming, the birds are singing, the bees are buzzing, critters crawling. Ah yes… springtime. The sun is burning, the grass needs mowing, the air is full of pollen, bird poop on everything, bees stinging and the friggin’ bugs are back. Maybe we should slip back into our winter attire and head back indoors? Oh well, too late now, we’re already out here so let’s make the best of it. Time to spring (I make joke) into action. Most folks view spring as the launch pad for all those outdoor projects they’ve dreamed about all winter long. Most? Okay, maybe just some folks are. The rest of the most are already bitching about and dreading the months of lawn care ahead. So for those “some” let’s look at some tips and ideas for making your projects more project-able with…

Chainsaw’s Easy to Follow DIY Guide to Building Disabled Octopus Access Ramps

Step one: disable an octopus… whoa! No, no, no! That’s not right at all! My judgment has been hindered by my devotion to the ocean (fun rhyme). Let’s shake off the salt water and get out on the lawn with…

Chainsaw’s Helpful Tips and Ideas to Spring into Stuff You Wanna do to Your Yard (note to self, work on titles for these things — that one kinda sucks.)

disabled ramp acess onlyPlan: The first step in any outdoor home improvement project is to plan it. You’ve got to account for the weather, the time you’ll have to invest, as well as obtaining proper tools and materials. Only when these things come together do you actually have a project.

Cost Cutting and Free Materials: Multiple trips to the hardware or greenhouse can add unneeded aggravation to your lawn’s beautification. So make each trip count and take time to look at all your options. Some may not be exactly what you had in mind, but a helluva lot cheaper. Exercise your legs before your wallet. If you live near a wooded area, or know someone who does, take a walk in the woods. You’d be surprised at how much cheaper plants are there.

Prep ahead: A day or two before your project, clean up (and mow if applicable) your project area. Use some outdoor bug spray on the area in advance to remove or discourage pests.

Start early: If you can be up and out with the sun you’ll have more time. Not to mention have the evening to admire your handiwork.

Spread it out: If you’ve help, spread it out so you’re not working on top of each other. In addition, for bigger projects, it’s okay to spread it out over a few weekends.

No time: If this will be your only chance and day to achieve this project, perhaps reconsider. If you have limited time to work on it, you’ll have equal time to enjoy it, so what’s the point?

Snacks and hydros: It’s never good to start any project on an empty stomach. Eat light beforehand and have snacks in waiting for later. Stay hydrated — save the beer for project completion celebration. Drunk landscaping looks awful.

Improvise: It’s always best to view any D.I.Y. (Do It Yourself) project as an M.I.U.A.Y.G. (Make It Up As You Go) project. Things won’t always work out like they do for that guy or gal online.

Enjoy: Creating something should be as much fun as the finished product, so have fun with it and “Focus” on the end result.


I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com.

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused.

See ya.