Dear Ask G,
You are an attractive young lady, ma’am. So, help me understand why after 39 years of marriage the wife stops all the benefits in marriage? I don’t understand it. Do we continue to be married or should I seek for what I have been missing for the last three years?
Without knowing your wife’s age, it’s safe to assume she’s at least in her mid-fifties. Therefore, you are surely aware, hormone levels decline as we age. Less desire for intimacy is not uncommon among women during her menopausal stage in life. If your wife hasn’t consulted her doctor, I would suggest starting with a medical checkup to determine if a decrease in hormones are effecting her indifference. There are many effective treatments which could help her feel interested in the ‘benefits’ (as you said) again.
If that is not the case, possibly consult a marriage counselor, or your church counselor. Opening a line of dialogue with the guidance of a trained professional could reveal subconscious issues creating an intimacy block. What I wouldn’t suggest is dissolving the marriage since there are several triggers which create an atmosphere of reduced desire. Please, seek out a physical or emotional diagnosis first.
Remember, marriage stands the test of “in sickness and in health.” It is not purely based on intimacy. My advice, remember why you fell in love with your wife and begin to rediscover those feelings. Spend time together enjoying the things you used to…ballgames, car shows, flea markets, movies, laughter… whatever made you both happy. Take day trips to some of our amazing local attractions. Start a hobby together. Take a cooking class, or maybe even dance class together. Fortunately, this time of year, there is a plethora of free activities to enjoy. Check in your area for outdoor concerts, movies, etc. Possibly a short vacation to rekindle the romance. Buy your wife some flowers (or one of her favorite things) and tell her how much you love her unconditionally!
You’ll understand if I turn the coin over and look at things from your wife’s viewpoint. Could it be possible you’ve let yourself go…a tad? I mean, it’s been 39 years for you, too, and there are two sides to every story. It’s like grandma used to say, “You can’t expect the chicken to want to nest with the rooster if he’s turned into a buzzard.”
My thoughts and prayers are with you both.
Hey Ask G,
Is your last name just the letter G? How is that possible? Anyway, I think it’s cool.
R & R
Dear R & R,
Yes, it’s legal. Long story short… (as if I can do that) I studied graphic design in college and freelanced for a while. And since I make it my life’s mission not to conform to the idea of ‘normal’ I designed a vertical business card and printed my name on one line. Shortening my last name to “G.” Thus, Bobbi G. was born. Amazingly, it stuck. Everyone started calling me…Bobbi G…or simply G. Me being me, I decided, “Why not?” and made it legal. Dropping the . (period) of course. Besides, periods make me cranky.
Anyway, it’s only an issue online since web designers haven’t caught on that last names can be just one letter when filling out fields. Plus, you wouldn’t believe the hoops I had to jump through on Facebook to use my legal name. Also, the credit bureaus don’t like it. However, I believe I’ve converted one to my out-of-the box thinking. Working on the other two. Plus, when people ask me what my last name used to be. I get a kick out of answering, “Gee Whiz!”
Make it a scrumptious day!