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“Oh the weather outside is frightful dum de dum delightful! It’s spring time doncha know- so let it snow let it snow let it snow!”– excerpted lyrics from “Why in Hell is it so Cold” by the Running Chainsaws, from the album, “Weather is Dumb” released April 17th 2024; following the hit single “Doc Brown was Right!” from the album “Flux Capacity” circa 1985.

Daylight has saved time and spring has sprung or is springing or at least trying to get spranged. Actually judging by the confusing current chaotic climatic conditions it’s more like the spring was wound so tight it’s sprung out the side and tangled itself in its own coils. Not actually springing but rather prematurely spranging. Like a Slinky that’s gone all wonky in the middle and no longer slinks properly- kinda just flops down stairs…alone or in pairs. There, do you have a visual now? Good ­‑ moving on!

Some of you (myself included) can recall a time, not so very long ago, when the passage of seasons was more diversely defined. It seems that with each passing year they blur into one another more as the now slow fade between seasons gets longer. At this rate how long before they all merge into just one nasty wet, lukewarm mess? Is this the result of global warming? Is it just another casualty of mankind’s reckless abuse of the planet and its resources? Or could it be something more…divine?

Quite a few religious enthusiasts will tell you that this merger of the seasons is mentioned in the big black book and is yet another “sign of the times.” Quoting scripture they say that at the end of days no man will know the seasons. Too bad that appears nowhere in the Bible and is actually a misquote from a Roman Catholic priest. However, one cannot argue or deny that such an event would have some potentially dire apocalyptic connotations.

Wow, just four paragraphs till we reached apocalypse; that’s depressing. Well there’s no use prattling on about a seasonal end of the world, it’s not like we can do anything about it or would if we could. So let’s back up a few and relish in the coming Spring and all the possibilities it holds. Being a fall/winter person, preferring things cold, dead and quiet, springtime holds little appeal. Still one cannot deny the magic and wonder that comes with this warmer season… guess I’ll have to come up with some wonderful magic now.

There is a special wonderment to Spring as life renews itself. To watch the trees fill out their foliage, the flowers come into bloom and everything become lush and green. It’s enjoyable for about a week, then you have to begin trimming, tending and cutting or else wise be overrun by the landscape. Yay! Six to eight months of mowing ahead…yippee!

Of lawn maintenance, not so much fun, but with Spring comes the fat birds. Oh ho ho fat birds are fun the way they squish down and poof up! Look at those fat little things eating all the seeds… and pooping everywhere… not so fat anymore. Hey, I just washed that!

Yes, Spring brings the birds and the bees. Not in the sexual sense, though the birds and bees probably do have sex (with other birds and bees respectively, not with each other) or there wouldn’t be any. Ya know there’s nothing quite like stepping outside on a gorgeous Spring day and being annoyed or chased by bees. Why do bees seek out people, buzzing around and freaking them out when the peoples are just trying to enjoy the day? Because bees are little jerks with stingers! You can retaliate, you know, and punch those bees in their stupid little faces. Don’t think of it as being a bully due to the size difference. Think of it as self-defense against a really tiny person with a teeny tiny poisonous knife…attached to their butt.

Speaking of poison. Hey here come the snakes! Don’t see those guys during the Winter. Oh and look mosquitoes and bears are coming out too. Nothing quite compares to being covered in itchy welts whilst one is mauled and partially devoured. The most appealing aspect of Spring is being able to step out and enjoy warmer weather. But just look at what’s waiting for you out there!!!

Beautifully scary, highly irritating and even deadly possibilities arrive with the Spring. There is a reason these things of flora and fauna are seasonal. We need them; the planet needs them but not all the time. But if all the seasons are gradually merging into one does that mean these natural “threats” would be about year round or not at all?

This would be an excellent place to place an environmental protection and natural preservation message. But the message is too late and ignored and the effort is too great and nonexistent. It would take some serious changes to change the world and great sacrifices many are not willing to make. Still the offer is there you know… we all know it is.

So whether Spring is sprang, sprung or Slinkified, enjoy it for what it is, when it is and while it is, because there may come a day when it isn’t.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

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