Well…here we are again. Welcome to the 7th anniversary of what is proving to be the most pointless writing attempts to make the world a better place of this author’s career. Yes, as you can tell by this week’s collage of pictures, it’s time for the Have Chainsaw Will Travel Annual Anti-Litter Campaign (or the HCSAWWTAALC for short). If you’re not familiar with this yearly ritual—here’s how it works. The pictorial collage is composed from a selection of pictures, selected from dozens of pictures, taken of our polluted shore lines and water ways. These are always accompanied by several paragraphs in which the ignorance of littering and the idiots who are responsible are called ignorant idiots and implored of not to be so. Once again there was sadly no lack of photo-op material. Though it does seem our local litter- b******ds, err, bugs, are evolving.
Attempts at perfecting their camouflage skills to hide their litter were obvious: making sure to break green glass in the grass and brown grass in the dirt. Then maybe no one will notice…till they slice their feet open. It also seems some form of intelligent guilty conscience is forming. Some of the debris actually made it into bags. However, litterbugs are oft too stupid to take the next step and take their trash with them. So they toss it into the bushes or hang it from a tree…it’s still litter even if it’s not on the ground dumba**!
Hmmm…maybe I’m going about this all wrong, lashing out violently at these obviously misguided individuals who don’t know how to pick-up after themselves. Maybe I should try to communicate and educate on their mental level. It’s worth a try.
Did you finish your beer? Yes you did, yes you did. What a good boy, you made it all gone. Is ums tum tum full? Yes it is, wook at you wittle gut…aww precious. Now take the bottle…no…no…no don’t smash it onna ground. That’s it, put da bottle in da bag…cans too…yes and the empty box. Oh hims was a firsty wittle fellow. Now did you get all your trash in the bag? Dat a gud boy! Now tie it up tight…like your…flip-flops? (OK, that may be asking too much). Just don’t let the trash get out of the bag. No, do not throw the bag in the lake. That’s it, carry it back with you. Oh lookie a trash can. OK, now open the lid and put the bag inside. NO…NO…NO the bag you idiot! Get out of the f***ing can you…you poor, misguided soul. There ya go, put the bag in the can, now close it. HOORAY!!! Now who wants ice cream?
Yeah, that ain’t happening. If you litter, you’re an inconsiderate moron with no respect for your fellows or this planet we all have to share with you. So please don’t be that idiot, don’t litter. Pick up after yourself so we can all enjoy nature the way it was intended-—the way it was before you got there.
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Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!