Well… here we are. Denial and disbelief aside, we know how we got here. And it’s painfully obvious where we’re most likely, presumably, inevitably going from here.

As to “where we are?” our current status places us on the threshold of what may very well be the most infamously infectious holiday debacle in history. That is providing you are reading this on or shortly after this paper’s distribution date, (sometime between November 25th and the 28th), which would put you currently in the midst of the debacling. Beyond that, if things debacled, then we’ll already be beyond the threshold… probably hanging out in the living room discussing the debaclation or passed out in the bedroom regretting the debacledness of it all. Yes, this writer is well aware that “debacle” has no viable suffixes… but what’s the fun in that?

Recently, the resoundingly re-elected Roy Cooper reluctantly reinstated restrictions regarding regaling respected relatives and friends. In short, he released an advisory that indoor social gatherings be limited to 10 persons. This on the eve of the most socially gathered holiday (Thanksgiving) and busiest shopping day before X-mas (Black Friday).

The rules are still the same. Wear face masks, wash your hands, practice social distancing (6ft. apart), limit social gatherings and only go out when necessary. The general public’s response to these efforts, to curve the pandemic during the holiday season, can be summed up in one word — “Merica!”

Don’t get it wrong, no one’s challenging your right to way you think is right. These are merely suggestions from the governor. No one’s making you do anything… but maybe they should.

American people constantly prove they will lie to themselves, make excuses and even downplay a pandemic to justify getting their way. Even going so far as to create a psychological disorder defense — “COVID fatigue” whose symptoms are: being tired of the coronavirus and equally tired of the safety precautions required to slow its spread.

News flash — we’re all tired of it, but this isn’t trending social media. Just because it isn’t getting any likes doesn’t mean it will go away. It’s here, and whether we like it or not, it’s still spreading.

Yet people are willing to risk contracting it for the sake of “holiday traditions”… socially stuffing their stuffed faces and shopping for more s*** no one needs. Ya know, you’d think we’d have learned from the example set by the pilgrims and the virus that spread the day after the 1st Thanksgiving on that 1st Black Friday.

On the morning after the now historic meal, a pilgrim person awoke feeling quite ill. Staggering off to find an outhouse muttering, “Don’t feel good…no more food!” which was misheard by another pilgrim as “More-good food!” Not wanting to miss out on food that was more-good, the pilgrim followed. Along the way others queried where they were off to. “Why to get more-good food!” Soon all the pilgrims and visiting Native Americans were following the sick man to food that was more-good.

When they neared the large winter surplus shed someone shouted- “That’s where the more-good food is!!!” The crowd surged forward, tearing down the doors, trampling one another, pushing the sick man in first. He fell coughing onto a tableful of raw left-over chicken giblets from yesterday’s meal. Assuming this to be the more-good food, the fight to have it and eat it began. Some Natives even snuck some out and began reselling at discount prices and offering mail-in rebates. In the end, everyone walked away from the destroyed shed satisfactorily unsatisfied.

That afternoon, cases of explosive diarrhea broke out (literally) all over the camp. It was a dark day for the settlers, a very black Friday indeed. Everyone was deathly sick, except the original sick man, who’d been too sick to eat the “more-good” raw chicken guts and hadn’t contracted salmonella like the rest.

The moral is quite simple: if the pilgrims had been practicing social distancing and not gathering en mass they all wouldn’t have gotten the poops.

Wow, admittedly that is one hell of a stretch. But here’s the point: don’t follow the crowd, use your best judgment in how you want to handle pandemic safety measures. That way if you do get sick you’ve only yourself to blame. Be thankful from a distance and practice anti-social shopping this weekend.


I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com.

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya.