chainsaw_headerWould you rather be immortal or live forever? You initially register this as a choice bearing the same outcome. Doesn’t being immortal imply living forever and vice versa? Notwithstanding comic book and film lore or religious beliefs, when you get down to the true meaning of each the answer is a resounding negative. One cannot be immortal without living forever but one can live forever without being immortal.

With immortality the aging process has come to a halt, preferably when in the prime of life. It is to be forever young, beautiful and healthy; unless you were born sick and ugly and stayed that way. With immortality you live forever. However, “living forever” doesn’t insure immortality. A person who “lives forever” would never die yet they would continue to age indefinitely. This may shed some light on the phrase, “Nobody wants to live forever” but ignores the question of “does anybody want to be immortal?”  No one is immortal or lives forever. But if it were a possibility, when truly considered, would you really want to? It is within seeking the answer that one begins to delve deeper into oneself.

Eight years ago (and a couple of weeks for anyone keeping track), this column posed 10 uncomfortable questions. These inquiries had no right, wrong or definitive answer, because the answer wasn’t the point. They purposely contained depth but lacked detail. Because the detail provided by you, the reader, was the true answer to questions unasked.

Geez-us, we are getting so deep in the metaphysical pool that… here let me toss some of you a life-saver (lifesaving floatation device, not candy). What we have here are some questionably uncomfortable questions; their purpose being self-enlightenment for you, the reader. Just remember it is not the answer to the actual question itself but the path you travel to reach it that is truly the answer. So without further ado, Have Chainsaw Will Travel presents

10 MORE Uncomfortable Questions? FEXHUME

1. Sex or race? If you had to wake up tomorrow morning and either swap gender or change your ethnicity which would you choose? Exchange your junk or the color of your trunk. Why? Do you think the change would influence your vote for the presidential election?

2. In a bizarre accident involving a machete and a power boat, would you rather have one ear ripped off or your nose cut off? Either way your Ray-Bans will be useless afterwards.

3. One week exiled from your friends and family or 48 hours without your cell phone? Would it be easier if you could switch the time frames?
4. Exhume (dig up) the body of a loved one or inter (bury or dispose of) the body of a stranger? Now think of it the other way around. Would it change how you felt?

5. Burned alive or drowned? Wait, take into consideration we didn’t say who or how. If you immediately thought of your own fate you’re on your way to some self-enlightenment.

6. Paper or plastic? Did you take the time to consider “paper or plastic what?” Or did your mind immediately go to the checkout line at the local Shop-n-Save? We could be talking about retinal damage with a paper airplane versus rectal damage with a plastic spork.

7. Would you rather accidentally sneeze on someone else’s baby or throw-up in someone else’s coffin?

8. You can either attend Sunday services at an unfamiliar church in a tight yellow spandex body suit or visit your regular grocery store in a thong. Are you contemplating the reactions or fashion statement?

9. While surfing the internet you “accidentally” stumble upon a porn film starring either, one of your parents, current spouse or your teenage child? Which would be worse? Who’s the better actor or actress?

10. Would you rather know the exact date and time you were going to die or how?

So now you’re either perplexed and confused or in deep thought and amused. Don’t take any of these questions to heart or too seriously. What you should take seriously to heart is your reaction and the paths your mind ventured down in search for not the immediate but honest answer. In doing so you’ll learn more about who you truly are and get to know you a little better.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!