There are many unknowns (or as of yet, unrealized) things in our world and beyond that are almost too fantastical to comprehend. Things that skirt along the edges of reality, challenge our sanity and defy human comprehension. When mentioned in conversation many folks simply dismiss delightful, distracting discussions with a disdaining — dismal disbelieving disregard “They don’t exist!” “I don’t believe in that!” “There’s no such thing!” “That could never happen!” But what if they do, you did, there was, or it did?

For the next…however long it takes you to read this minutes, put your doubts aside and shelve your skepticism. Open your mind up to the possibilities of the impossible. Don’t fret so much on whether or not things could actually happen, but rather consider what you might do if they did.

You’re on a hunting trip. Never mind the details of how or why or that you don’t even hunt. Wherever you go there you are, and right now where you are is alone, in a deer-stand, high above a less traveled part of the forest. Looking through your rifle’s scope your cross-hairs land on… a unicorn. You can’t go for your phone, any sudden movement will spook the animal but… it’s in your sights. Do you pull the trigger? Or have a tale no one will believe or you would never tell?

With or without a dead unicorn strapped across your hood, you’re driving down a desolate dirt road. You round a bend and there is a crashed U.F.O. …technically a U.C.O. now. Nearby lies an injured extraterrestrial — forget E.T., this A.L.F. is hideous and disgustingly scary looking. But it addresses you in kind, human speech and implores you to please help it back into its ship. Is it time to put the “don’t judge a book by its cover” adage to the ultimate test? Or run the nasty thing over?

After a call to the M.I.B., you continue down the road and come across an abandoned orphanage and decide to explore… get out of the car chickens*** and explore! Inside you find a dozen little abandoned orphan spirits. They can’t cross the road into the light without an adult to guide them. Will you help? What would that mean for you? Aren’t all abandoned orphans evil? They were abandoned for a reason, right? So many questions…

You can bring back one person from the dead (no unicorns, aliens or orphans), long enough to ask them just one question (are those orphans evil?). Anything you say will be construed as a question, i.e., “I miss you!” would be taken as “I miss you?” they would say “Yes you do.” and disappear. Who would you summon and what would you ask?

With questions remaining, you head on down the road and come to a nice sunny beach. You decide to walk along the sands and come across a sexily seductive mermaid or merman (we don’t discriminate seafood preference) lounging in a tidal pool. They don’t speak, but through gestures implore you to join them. Seems a little fishy (and that was très corny) but do you risk it or… well that hunting rifle’s back in the car… a mer-people mounted over the mantle would make a great conversation piece.

After a quick stop by the taxidermy shop, you’re on your way home when you see a man nervously trying to load a dead Sasquatch into his truck. He flags you down and tells you he accidentally ran the thing over and he can’t move the creature alone. If you help he’ll cut you in on the money… the beef jerky people are sure to offer but… he’s debating on just burying the Bigfoot out of respect…and fear if other Bigfoots (Bigfeets?) are watching they might seek vengeance. So is it big beef jerky bucks, bereaved burial or bye-bye?

Later and farther up a different road, you spot an older gentleman hitchhiking and pull over to give him a ride. You offer him some of your complimentary beef jerky and inquire his name. He says it is God and you are about to be judged based on how you reacted to all your phantasmagorical encounters.

No worries “That could never happen!” right? But what if it did? Which leaves the one big question – does God like beef jerky?


I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com. Hope to hear from ya until then try and stay focused. See ya.