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Stuff To Give Thanks For, Because

After All, It’s Thanksgiving

November 13, 2014

The concept (or “challenge” if you prefer) is to come up with something to be thankful for each day during the 30 days of November. However there is a catch; some things aren’t allowed because they’re too easy. Things like good health, food, home, gainful employment etc. In addition, you are not allowed to be thankful for friends and family members. Also no personal accomplishments or acquisitions. That’s not being thankful, it’s more like publicized bragging rights. Besides being thankful for your recently acquired material possessions just makes you look like a prick.

So what does that leave you with? It leaves you with actually thinking of and coming up with things you’re truly thankful for on a daily basis.

Of course there are probably quite a few of you who are still trying to figure out what, if anything, you have to be thankful for. Well look no further because what follows is a universal list of things that you cannot deny being thankful for.

1. You have eyes and are literate. If you’ve lost your eyes or they were stolen or if you’re illiterate you couldn’t be reading this; unless someone is reading it to you. In which case you can be thankful for...

2. Someone who will read to you (and won’t make fun of your poor education). If someone is taking the time to read to you, they must at least care about you. So that means you can be thankful that...

3. You know a person who cares about you enough to spend time with you. Of course, you may be reading this all alone. In which case you should give thanks for...

4. Anti-social disorders and PRIVACY! In this day and age, that is a rare commodity and should be enjoyed. Of course about the only way you can truly get privacy nowadays is if you’re reading this in a bathroom. Which means you have to be glad for...?

5. Indoor plumbing! Without it, where could you read and poop at the same time in private? Doing both in public might be bad. If you are in the bathroom then a big thanks should be given because...

6. You can poop! If you couldn’t then eventually you would explode. So be thankful you’re not a walking fecal matter bomb. Speaking of bombs, you can be glad that...

7. You don’t have a loudly ticking clock that sounds like a time bomb in your bathroom...like we do here. Seriously? I’m already under enough pressure. But speaking of clocks...

8. You can be thankful you have time. Obviously you do or you wouldn’t be wasting it reading this. Since you have time, you’re still alive. Which leads to being grateful for...

9. Not being dead. Unless you want to be dead...which is kind of sad. But at least you can give it up for...

10. Pre-planned funeral arrangements. You get to pick the music, casket, flowers and everything. Which should make you eternally grateful that...

11. You have choices. Like choosing to read this column. Thus you cannot deny being thankful for...

12. A columnist that points out things you can get a chuckle over. And if I’m successful, you can be thankful for the...

13. Grin on your face, which comes with the chuckle. That lets me know I can be thankful that I made you smile...if not Bobbi G is just a few pages back.

And if you didn’t smile and still feel you have nothing to be thankful for, or because you suffer from a low IQ and the humor went right over your head, remember- Ignorance is bliss and you can be thankful you’re too stupid to care.

Questions, comments and column ideas are welcome via through the Focus, or just E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

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