Bound & Determined
March 20, 2014
Despite all our technological advantages, most of this column's reader feedback (aside from the occasional e-mail) comes in person on the streets. It's truly inspiring when someone takes a moment out of their day to compliment or simply comment on your work. That one-on-one interaction really makes it all worthwhile and it's nice to have visual aid of one's audience. For the most part the reactions are positive, sometimes confused, rarely negative and always inquisitive. Recently I have acquired a few inquiries concerning a topic that, though at one time seemed predominant, has in more recent times virtually disappeared.
The subject in question is relationships in general. The reason this topic has become extinct should be overly obvious. Since it obviously is not, allow the luxury of a brief recounting: When a person is dating or working into a relationship there is much to be said. There is a plethora of inspirational writing material as the relationship blossoms and grows.
Likewise when a relationship goes bad, there is an equal amount of negatively based subject matter at hand. However, when one is actually in a set relationship and things are going smoothly... there's not a lot to say. Oh sure, you could quip endlessly about your happiness and all the tender moments you share and blah blah blah blah; nobody wants to read that s***. Except really, really lonely people who live vicariously through other’s written words. You're out there, we all know it and are sad for you.
The fact of the matter is that yours truly is currently in a set relationship and things are going smoothly... so there's not much to say. However due to inquiring minds wanting to know (and because I've nothing better to do) we will break protocol for those who are bound and determined to get into—or in this case out of—a relationship.
Getting into a good relationship isn't easy but getting out of a bad one can be even more difficult. Depending on how bad things have gotten and how much time has been vested, the process of parting company with a failed love interest can be a living nightmare. When all attempts at reconciliation have been exhausted and a mutual parting of ways isn't welcomed you may find yourself literally bound and determined. Now this is not to say the other person is going to tie you up and lock you in a closet...we hope. Rather you become bound by and to the situation.
Some situations are basically live-in leeches. One person provides a living environment and handles the majority of the expenses. While the other simply feeds off of them enjoying the life without any effort or investment. When the love is lost the leech can walk away. Oh, there may be some emotional scarring but the host will survive and recover. However, in other cases where both parties are more equally vested a swift painless departure is nigh impossible.
In an open loving relationship the love is supposed to grow with the passage of time. Likewise the longer you're with someone the more you acquire: children, pets, mutual friends, a house, material processions, property, places of interest, debts etc. You've been sharing your life for gawd knows how long with this person. Now the emotion is gone but the ties that bind still remain. You can't just leave, you are emotionally, physically and financially bound. Not to the other person but to the situation that has been created during the time you've shared. This realization usually comes just after you or your soon to be insignificant other announces that "It's OVER!"
So what do you do about it? How do you rise above and beyond a failed fairy tale?
Next week we'll talk about all the do's and don't concerning relationship termination.
I welcome almost all questions and comments either through the Focus, or just E-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!
Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!