March 7, 2013
Smiles are contagious (so is herpes, go figure) we could all use a good laugh and they say laughter is the best medicine. Herpes aside I’m starting to sound like our beloved Bobbi G. here. Fact of the matter is she and I have the same weekly goal- to put a grin on your face and bring a little happiness, thru humor, into your day. She’s just a helluva lot nicer about it. However, it is with that common goal in mind that I have decided to tell you...
OK, so a black guy, a white guy and a Mexican walk into a...”Hold it, stop right there!” Huh? What’s wrong? “You can’t tell it that way, that’s not being politically correct.” Oh, sorry. OK, so an African American, a Caucasian, and a Hispanic walk into a...”No, no, no! You can’t do that either.” Do what? “Be racially biased, you can’t discriminate people because of their race.” But I wasn’t going to. “Then why mention their ethnic background?” So you can tell them apart! “All men should be looked upon as equals and not be sorted by their skin color or background.” OK, fine. So, three guys of no particular race or ethnic origin walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they want. The Lutheran orders a whole bottle of wine. The Catholic sees this and says... “STOP! What are you doing?” What’s the matter now? “You can’t judge a person by their spirituality. Or diversify them with religious stereotypes.
You’d be violating their religious liberties.” OK whatever. So, three raceless, unethical, atheists walk into a bar and order drinks and they see this... “Where’s the woman?” What woman? “You have four characters and they’re all male. Haven’t you heard of sexual equality?” I was just about to mention a “woman”, if you’d shut up. “No need to be rude, carry on.” So, they see this hot, ditzy, big-breasted, blonde in daisy dukes and a.. “OMG! You can’t judge a woman’s intelligence by hair color or bust size! And “daisy dukes”? Are you being a chauvinist pig?” No, it’s just a, never mind. Sigh. So, there is a respectfully dressed, average bosomed, brunette sitting at the bar holding a duck... “Will the duck be hurt or molested?” What? What the hell are you talking about? “You could offend animal rights activist if the duck gets...raped or something.” If the duck gets raped? It’s a wooden duck. “Oh... very well, continue.” So- she’s sitting there holding this big wooden duck and... “Oh that is so nasty; a nice girl, sitting at a bar, holding a big, wooden...” I said DUCK! Big wooden DUCK! Get your mind out of the gutter. “You’re right, I’m so embarrassed, please go on.” So, she’s sitting at the bar with this duck when... “Does it have to be a bar?” What?!? “Well if some younger person hears this it might encourage under-aged drinking.” What do you suggest? “How about; a quaint, little coffee shop instead.” Alright, whatever; so three atheists, of no particular race or ethnic background, walk into a quaint little coffee shop. They all order cappuccinos and receive equal, unbiased service from the clerk. They notice a properly attired, average bosomed, brunette also of no specific race, religion or age. She is holding a large, hand-carved, wooden duck. All three ask her in harmony,“Why do you have that wooden duck with you?”
And the woman replies, “If you’ve actually read all this stupid nonsense then the joke’s on you!”
I welcome almost all questions and comments via through Focus, or e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya. (This column is an updated Chainsaw Classic!)