Custom Search





Hell-O-ween Finale:

Gathering Souls For Satan

October 26, 2017

In just a few more nights the bowels of Hell will open upon an unsuspecting world. The balance between good and evil will shift towards the darker side of the scale. Demonic forces will be unleashed. The dead will be given license to wander among the living. Restless spirits will rise and roam the dark highways and hillsides. Little children will dress in festive “scary” costumes and collect candies from smiling adults. All Hallows Eve will be upon us!

Summoning spirts of the dead via Ouija, communing with demons and ghouls, and “adult” Halloween aside, this holiday has one core method of celebration: Trick-or-Treating. Viewing it through the eyes of children, the concept is very simple. It’s the one night of the year you get to dress up and be whoever or whatever you want to be. Then you trudge door to door (or trunk to trunk) receiving gratuitous amounts of sweets for your efforts and have fun doing it.

However, to some (mostly in the overly cautious Christian community), tricks and treats are the worst part of Halloween. They view it as a dark, forbidden and ancient ritual. For them “candy gathering” represents the devil’s minions, collecting souls or sacrifices to the lord of the flies himself. Umm yeah, you can be certain after a child has been treated, they’re thinking to themselves “Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha! Score another Snicker’s bar for Satan! Surely this chocolate covered, caramel and nut filled treat will appease my dark lord! Quick, let us make haste to offer this sweet nougat-y sacrifice at my Little Tikes altar of Ba’al!”

Which makes one wonder. Does Satan prefer dark chocolate? And how good of a person can someone really be if they seek out something evil and foreboding about everything; birds of a feather? The point is, it’s not what kind of symbolism can be put on trick-or-treating or how it’s defined by some adults, but rather the kid’s perception of it. After all, they’re the ones who participate, enjoy and benefit from it. And if in a million to one chance some child does view and fear (or celebrate) this harmless tradition as a rite of evil; I’m actually more concerned about their home and the parents therein.

All that said and done, as we close the doors on Hell-o-ween for this year, we’ll pay homage to the true patriarchs of Halloween, by honoring and acknowledging the Trick-or-Treaters. Thus I have sought the aid of John Q. (my stuffed, yellow bear side-kick). I asked that he compile a list of ideas for fun, productive, non-satanic, safe Halloweening. His response was 17 pages in descriptive crayon with pictures (which have been roughly translated below, because spellcheck can’t handle his toddler based writing style).
John Q’s TRICK or TREAT TRICKS to get more TREATS:

1. Run! Run as fast as you can go everywhere and squeal as loudly as possible! The faster you go the more treats you can trick and do more candy that way. If you squeal loud enough people will think you are a small fire truck and get out of the way!

2. Each people in your trick treat party should have a flashlight or glowing stick. This will help with the fire truck trick if you wave it over your head. It is also helpful in blinding people so you can beat them to the best candy places. Oh and it’ll help car driver people to see you too I suppose.

3. Make sure you have comfortable shoes. With comforts you can go better and the more candy you can do. Also the costume shoes are more for cute looking than safety, they do not do the comfortable very well thank you!

4. No masks-specially ones that cover your whole head. They make your head sweaty and gross. You can’t see any nothing, you can’t breathe and you can’t eat candy if you can’t get it in your mouth!

5. Make sure you get the right sized costume. Trick treat is only a one night time thing and you don’t need something you can “grow into.” Or if your outfit’s too small they might think you are a “naughty” something, like adult people do.

6. Do not poop your suit! Be sure your costume is potty accessible. If you do a poop it will end the treats immediately.

7. About the running in No 1 sigh…Mr. Chainsaw man says you shouldn’t oughta do running cuz you might run in front of something big like a car and get died. Sigh…no squealing either …it disruptives others fun times.

8. Sigh…you should walk when you do trick treats, cuz adults are slow and get tired easilier than we do.

9. Stay hydro-ed! Trick treating is hard work so have something to drink. This only applies to kids…no adult beverages.

10. Don’t do too much hydros. You will have to do a number one and… see number 6.

11. Do not trick treat strangers. They’ll have the best candy and may offer you a ride but don’t do it!

12. If you are being a ninja use a pretend sword that’s soft. Not only could you fall on it and get injuries but also too people might think you are a real ninja and lock the door. If your sword were real you could chop up their door and take the candy but that’s not a very nice thing to do.

13. Trick treat ends at 9 p.m. That is when big people Halloween begins and everything is dangerous because big people aren’t responsible quite a lot.

14. Let an adult person check your candy before you eat it. Some big people are meanies and make bad candy that will hurt you.

15. Be safe! Have the most fun! Eat lots of candy!

Thanks John, for that helpful insight into Halloween safety. In all seriousness folks, please remember this holiday above all others puts people of all ages out on the roads at night. Drink responsibly, drive even more responsibly and be alert for little ghosts, ghouls and goblins. No point in ending a happy child’s life and ruining your own.

Have a safe and happy Hell-o-ween!.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!



Nightmare At 12:34 EST

Gather ‘Round The Urban Campfire

There Is Nothing To Fear But Fear Itself...And That, My Friends, Is A Lie!

She’ll Do Just About ANYTHING!

Can You Remember Before
Remembering Having A Memory?

Up To The Week Coverage Before/During The Hurricane Aftermath

Uncommon Courtesy

All I Really Need To Know About Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse I learned In Kindergarten!

You Only Get One: Part 2. But Can You Get Two?

You Only Get One

One Super Power...Just One!

Dawn Of The Day After The Night Of The Living Dead

Hot And Bothered

Just Try And Relax

Stop Trashing Our World

Go Make Me A Sandwich

WARNING: This Newspaper Is Not To Be Used As A Flotation Device

A Conversation On The Third Sunday In June


It’s Never Just 5 MORE MINUTES

There Is No Daycare... At The End Of The World

Clap Your Hands

Conspirative, Coincidental Conclusions

“Good Things...” Wait???


Actually, You Can Judge A Book By Its Cover

Which Came First, The Rabbit Or The Jew?

End Of The Wagon Ride?

Comely Folks


Wishing You The Luck Of The Irish

Avian Impact

Religious Trousers

Take A Seat

A Revolution Solution?

Romantic Interlude Eluded

Merriam Webster’s Chainsaw Edition Vol. 3

Have TUBA, Will Travel

The Importance Of Background Action

And then...the cat CAME BACK!

Happy USED Year?

No. 52

‘Twas The Night Before KRAMPUS

It’s The Thought

You Are Nothing More Than A Disgruntled Who!

It’s such a good vibration...such a sweet CESSATION!

A Warm Helping Of Frigid Poultry


Dungeons And Dragons And All Things EVIL?

Old Man Chainsaw

Helloween 4: What Are You Afraid Of?

Helloween III: Tot vs Monster Under The Bed!

There is nothing to fear but fear itself… and BEARS! ALWAYS FEAR BEARS!

One Last Razzle Dazzle Smokin’ Hail Mary Pass

Life’s Mysteries Lying
Within The Windowsill

Time Flies When?

The Other Birthday Party

Across The Rainbow Bridge

Ten More Uncomfortable Questions?

The cReAtURe

Bemusement Park Attraction

A Passing Interest In Political Masonry

Gotta Catch 'Em All?

Tis The Wink Of A Breath

A Darker Shade Of Summertime Blue

Still Littering?

H2-Oh How Fire Works

Pessimistic Optimism


The Pover-Ties That Bind

Zombisaurus Rex

Apocalypse...right now? Congratulations, You’ve Survived The Apocalypse!

Where The Wild Things Were

A Hundred Thousand To One,& Eleven Things I Will Never Write

Selfie-Centered Society


Who Paints The Hammers?

Open For Interpretation


FUN TYme ? of TRiViAL! wiF John Q.

I Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghost... Busters...Remake?

Springing Forward To The Past

Remember: ‘Funeral’ Starts With FU!

Deadpool Vs. Chainsaw

Revealed Carry

One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Trash...But Sometimes It’s Collectable Trash

Timeless Testing

Definitively Undead

Do You Want To Psychologically Deconstruct A Snowman?

powerBALL $1.5 Billion You’ll Never See, or A Really Powerful Ball

Heading For A Eulogy

Resolution Resolvent

Wondering Around Wandering


The GHOSTS Of Christmas Present

Happy Hellidays A special hate the holidays rant

Tis The Season


Memoir From The Soviet Union

The Incredible BULK

Requiem For A Deer

Hell-O-Ween 2015 Chainsaw vs The Devil

Hell-O-Ween 2015: Trick or Treating With John Q

Hell-o-ween 2015 Trap Door To Hell

Hell-O-Ween 2015 The Absence of Light

HELL-O-WEEN 2015 • There is nothing to fear but fear itself? Actually, there’s way more!

Gone Squirrelly

Close In-Counter The Crooked Man

Chainsaw’s Guide To“Fun”damental Gun Safety

Older And...Wiser?

So...You Want Me To Put It... On The Dash?

Acts Of Lethargy

High Noon In The TempleOf The One-Eyed God

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

A Part Apart

Chainsaw’s Guide To Handgun Safety

.38 Special

Littering In Review!


Preparing To Alienate Yourself

Father’s Day?

We Are All Immortal... At Least Until We Die

Boggin Me Down

Comic Relief

5 Minutes Later...

Godzilla Was Misunderstood

Happy Bunnies’ Last Stand! Or, The Rise Of The Content And Yet Paranoid Squirrels!

Smurf The Whole Day Through!

Running With Scissors

Back In 5 Minutes...

We’re All Mad Here!

Building Up To It

Graveside Trivia With Frank

Before You Can Begin Sifting Through The Ashes

Daylight WASTE Of Time

Just Thinking Out Loud Here

There’s Bacon Loose In The Freezer

Stop Thinking Like A People

Sit, Roll Over, Play Dead...Now, Reanimate

Of Chainsaws And Puppy Paws

Cult Classic Or Pop Culture Corpses

A Chainsaw Classic:Exhaustipated

Living Within The Sliding Puzzle

Resolutions In Higher Resolutions

2015 As It Falls Apart

It’s A Wonderful Life?

How The Grinch Didn’t Bother Stealing Christmas

Room To Move: A Christmas Story

10 Uncomfortable Questions

Thanks...For Nothing

All In Due-Over Time

Stuff To Give Thanks For, Because After All, It’s Thanksgiving

30 Days

Hell-o-ween 4 Do You Believe In Ghosts?

Hell-O-Ween 3: Suburban Legends

Hell-O-Ween 2 The Bloody ‘55

Hell-O-Ween - There Is Nothing To Fear But FearItself...And Low-Flying Ducks!

Why Would You Want To Catch A Cold?

Technologically AdvancedOr Obsessed?

The Chainsaw Hard Drive

Of The Apes

I Don’t Know...What Do You Wanna Do?

And Then...One Year Later...

Is It Hopeless Or Should We Hope Less

Are There Alternate Realities?

Questionable Perception

Literally Speaking

He’s In The Closet

The Eclector

Littering Is Delusional!

Sis Boom BAH

Fear...Of The Bat!

CLOSED The Road To Imagination

Toy Box Terrors

Fire Trucks, Some Fencing And A Potential Kazoo

Grasping For A Gasp

Commercial Messages

Lilies Considered

The Passage Of Furry Little People

Broken Conversation Pieces

Momentary Lapse Of Realization

During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry


Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set


HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

HELL-O-WEEN 2 Is It The Devil’s Holiday?

Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages


For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!


Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!


A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending


The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke


The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide





BannerEventAd-01.jpg   fanjoylabrenz.jpg

PO Box 1721 | Hickory, NC 28603 | 828.322.1036 | Office Hours: Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5pm |

Home • Reviews: MoviesAdam Long • Editorials: FocusHave Chainsaw Will TravelSid On SportsBobbi GSara MawyerPeople PicturesPlaces/PeopleExtra Events Listing
Out Of Focus • News: Local NewsNational NewsHoroscopes • Info/Links: Staff/ContributorsList Of AdvertisersOnline AdvertisingOnline ClassifiedsContact UsFocus BLOGStoreLinks

© 1978 - 2018 Tucker Productions, Inc.