Custom Search




banner2

banner3

banner3

tel:18003484095


Power-less

March 23, 2017

Once upon a time, a few weeks ago, on a Wednesday…there was a storm. Torrential rain and gale-force winds whipped through the area. A tornado watch was issued. Not a warning a watch, which in all honesty is always confusing. It would seem the “warning” would be aimed at there is a tornado and a “watch” would mean watching said tornado, the one we warned you about, to see what it’s going to do. Instead “watch” means there’s not actually a tornado, but we’re looking for one. Maybe it should be called a “tornado-watch out” when they’re just looking. Then again, depending on how you spaced and punctuated it, they might have a whole new kind of confusion on their hands. i.e., “There’s a tornado… watch out!” Anyway… it was really, really windy. And during the night there was a loud “CRACK!”

Next day we find that the House o’ Saw is under imminent threat, as lumber pine no.4 (of the 11 that line the property line) has split at its base and is now looming over the house’s front. Not fallen yet, just looming. Over 40ft tall, clocking in at over 2,000lbs… it is loominous. Immediately my tree guy is contacted. Derek Sexton of Father & Sons Tree Service is on the scene A.S.A.P., surveying the situation. It is classified as an emergency because the loomer also threatens to drop onto the power lines, potentially knocking out power to the entire area. So contact and inform the power company and have them temporarily drop the line. So the illoominated offender can be removed quickly and safely.

They can have someone out by Monday morning at 9am. WTF??? Seriously? This is an emergency! Well they could, maybe, possibly (but most likely not) get someone out this weekend… but there’s no guarantee and there would be a $200+ service charge. But if the tree falls before Monday morning at 9:00- the homeowner will be completely responsible for any and all damages suffered by the power lines and connecting poles… WTF??? OK, okie dokie fine, Monday at nine it is, (like there was another option). Till then… worry and hope.

Three long, restless nights later the tree is still looming, the power company is surprisingly prompt and a heartfelt thanks is extended to Father & Sons, for disposing of the threat promptly, safely and reasonably. But those nights prior to Monday at 9am registered an unknown feeling of dread and horror that won’t soon be forgotten.

What if? - while listening for a devastating crash.

What if? - while fearing how much damage will be caused.

What if? - while worrying of our safety-fire-being crushed-all that sticky pine sap-etc.

What if? - while sleeplessly, staring hopelessly at the digital clocks bright, blood red readout, wondering when the lights will go out? That last one lingers.

What would happen if the power really went out? Not due to a storm induced fallen tree or standard electrical failure but really went out? Not a temporary residential failure but all of it, permanently, the grid completely collapsing on a planet-wide scale? Imagine waking up for work and realizing that not only are you going to be late, not only can you not “call in” but you can’t even go. Even worse you can’t enjoy this unexpected “time off”. No television, no internet and you can’t even microwave a toaster strudel or pop a pop-tart in the toaster… (Our society makes no sense). Experts surmise that if such an event occurred, our advanced civilization would begin to break down within less than 48 hours.

Doesn’t sound plausibly possible? Hard to believe we would completely lose our s*** if the lights went out? Not so hard if you think of all the implications involved. Can you imagine—living in a world with no viable transportation? Can you imagine—the only form of communication being direct verbal… or yelling? Can you image—how many teenagers would lose their little minds when they couldn’t take or post their latest selfie #lookinggoodinthedark. Can you imagine—no heat, no AC, no internet, no phone, no Game of Thrones? Can you imagine… that Bobbi G is either going to be flattered or ticked when she catches me using her catch phrase so recklessly?

Rioting at the grocery (which you’d have to walk to), fighting your neighbors for canned goods and cold pop-tarts, cold baths in a creek, hand washing clothes (same creek), and pooping by candle light (hopefully not in that creek). How many people actually still stock extra candles? Or know how to build a fire? How many people could cook something without the aid of a microwave, stove or pizza delivery service?

Within the first year our countries population would be cut to less than a 4th. Due in part to arrogance, ignorance, panic and lack of milk and bread… seriously, have you seen Southerners during a snowstorm? Our society is so truly, madly, deeply reliant on electricity we would be completely lost without it. So what can we do? How can we assure ourselves that we will never suffer a powerless fate? We can’t! All you can do is breathe a sigh of relief and give thanks when you successfully flip a switch and the lights come on.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

ARCHIVES:

Wishing You The Luck Of The Irish

Avian Impact

Religious Trousers

Take A Seat

A Revolution Solution?

Romantic Interlude Eluded

Merriam Webster’s Chainsaw Edition Vol. 3

Have TUBA, Will Travel

The Importance Of Background Action

And then...the cat CAME BACK!

Happy USED Year?

No. 52

‘Twas The Night Before KRAMPUS

It’s The Thought

You Are Nothing More Than A Disgruntled Who!

It’s such a good vibration...such a sweet CESSATION!

A Warm Helping Of Frigid Poultry

Patridiocracy

Dungeons And Dragons And All Things EVIL?

Old Man Chainsaw

Helloween 4: What Are You Afraid Of?

Helloween III: Tot vs Monster Under The Bed!

There is nothing to fear but fear itself… and BEARS! ALWAYS FEAR BEARS!

One Last Razzle Dazzle Smokin’ Hail Mary Pass

Life’s Mysteries Lying
Within The Windowsill

Time Flies When?

The Other Birthday Party

Across The Rainbow Bridge

Ten More Uncomfortable Questions?

The cReAtURe

Bemusement Park Attraction

A Passing Interest In Political Masonry

Gotta Catch 'Em All?

Tis The Wink Of A Breath

A Darker Shade Of Summertime Blue

Still Littering?

H2-Oh How Fire Works

Pessimistic Optimism

Disclaimation

The Pover-Ties That Bind

Zombisaurus Rex

Apocalypse...right now? Congratulations, You’ve Survived The Apocalypse!

Where The Wild Things Were

A Hundred Thousand To One,& Eleven Things I Will Never Write

Selfie-Centered Society

Well...

Who Paints The Hammers?

Open For Interpretation

YOLO But SODOI

FUN TYme ? of TRiViAL! wiF John Q.

I Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghost... Busters...Remake?

Springing Forward To The Past

Remember: ‘Funeral’ Starts With FU!

Deadpool Vs. Chainsaw

Revealed Carry

One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Trash...But Sometimes It’s Collectable Trash

Timeless Testing

Definitively Undead

Do You Want To Psychologically Deconstruct A Snowman?

powerBALL $1.5 Billion You’ll Never See, or A Really Powerful Ball

Heading For A Eulogy

Resolution Resolvent

Wondering Around Wandering

X-MAS

The GHOSTS Of Christmas Present

Happy Hellidays A special hate the holidays rant

Tis The Season

Franks-GIVING

Memoir From The Soviet Union

The Incredible BULK

Requiem For A Deer

Hell-O-Ween 2015 Chainsaw vs The Devil

Hell-O-Ween 2015: Trick or Treating With John Q

Hell-o-ween 2015 Trap Door To Hell

Hell-O-Ween 2015 The Absence of Light

HELL-O-WEEN 2015 • There is nothing to fear but fear itself? Actually, there’s way more!

Gone Squirrelly

Close In-Counter The Crooked Man

Chainsaw’s Guide To“Fun”damental Gun Safety

Older And...Wiser?

So...You Want Me To Put It... On The Dash?

Acts Of Lethargy

High Noon In The TempleOf The One-Eyed God

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

A Part Apart

Chainsaw’s Guide To Handgun Safety

.38 Special

Littering In Review!

5

Preparing To Alienate Yourself

Father’s Day?

We Are All Immortal... At Least Until We Die

Boggin Me Down

Comic Relief

5 Minutes Later...

Godzilla Was Misunderstood

Happy Bunnies’ Last Stand! Or, The Rise Of The Content And Yet Paranoid Squirrels!

Smurf The Whole Day Through!

Running With Scissors

Back In 5 Minutes...

We’re All Mad Here!

Building Up To It

Graveside Trivia With Frank

Before You Can Begin Sifting Through The Ashes

Daylight WASTE Of Time

Just Thinking Out Loud Here

There’s Bacon Loose In The Freezer

Stop Thinking Like A People

Sit, Roll Over, Play Dead...Now, Reanimate

Of Chainsaws And Puppy Paws

Cult Classic Or Pop Culture Corpses

A Chainsaw Classic:Exhaustipated

Living Within The Sliding Puzzle

Resolutions In Higher Resolutions

2015 As It Falls Apart

It’s A Wonderful Life?

How The Grinch Didn’t Bother Stealing Christmas

Room To Move: A Christmas Story

10 Uncomfortable Questions

Thanks...For Nothing

All In Due-Over Time

Stuff To Give Thanks For, Because After All, It’s Thanksgiving

30 Days

Hell-o-ween 4 Do You Believe In Ghosts?

Hell-O-Ween 3: Suburban Legends

Hell-O-Ween 2 The Bloody ‘55

Hell-O-Ween - There Is Nothing To Fear But FearItself...And Low-Flying Ducks!

Why Would You Want To Catch A Cold?

Technologically AdvancedOr Obsessed?

The Chainsaw Hard Drive

Of The Apes

I Don’t Know...What Do You Wanna Do?

And Then...One Year Later...

Is It Hopeless Or Should We Hope Less

Are There Alternate Realities?

Questionable Perception

Literally Speaking

He’s In The Closet

The Eclector

Littering Is Delusional!

Sis Boom BAH

Fear...Of The Bat!

CLOSED The Road To Imagination

Toy Box Terrors

Fire Trucks, Some Fencing And A Potential Kazoo

Grasping For A Gasp

Commercial Messages

Lilies Considered

The Passage Of Furry Little People

Broken Conversation Pieces

Momentary Lapse Of Realization

During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry

SELF LAMBASTING

Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set

HELL-O-WEEN 4 THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF…AND BIGFOOT WITH HERPES!

HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

HELL-O-WEEN 2 Is It The Devil’s Holiday?

Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages

MOTOSIERRA, SCIE à CHAîNE, ??????, ERRA ELéTRICA, Αλυσοπρ?ονο, CHAINSAW

For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!

Zoo-Illogical

Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!

Distractions

A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending

Life

The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke

THE BEAR AND I Part 2: RETURN OF THE Q!

The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide


 

 

 

 

fanjoylabrenz.jpg   BannerEventAd-01.jpg

PO Box 1721 | Hickory, NC 28603 | 828.322.1036 | Office Hours: Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5pm | focusnews@centurylink.net

Home • Reviews: MoviesAdam Long • Editorials: FocusHave Chainsaw Will TravelSid On SportsBobbi GSara MawyerPeople PicturesPlaces/PeopleExtra Events Listing
Out Of Focus • News: Local NewsNational NewsHoroscopes • Info/Links: Staff/ContributorsList Of AdvertisersOnline AdvertisingOnline ClassifiedsContact UsFocus BLOGStoreLinks

© 1978 - 2017 Tucker Productions, Inc.