Quoth The Raven, “Nevermore”

January 26, 2012

UPDATE: For those of you who follow along with this column’s menagerie of misguided madness, you know that as of late I’ve been trying to “kick the habit” —to the side, actually. Not so much attempting to quit smoking but to tone down the consumption of nicotine. So far so good; almost got it controlled down to half a pack a day. Thanks to those of you who’ve offered kind words of support and encouragement on this endeavor. However, I must respond to a misconception by a regular reader (my dear friend Uncle Bear) who said, I quote, “Tell Chainsaw that back in 1988 I quit smoking cold turkey, three and a half packs a day.”

Uncle Bear the thing is I’m not trying to quit smoking cold turkey...I’m trying to quit smoking cigarettes. How you managed to light up and smoke three and a half packs of cold turkey a day in the first place is beyond me.
Now, on with the show...

“Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary, over quaint and curious volumes of forgotten lore. Suddenly there came a rushing, as of someone slowly flushing water ‘cross my chamber floor. Vainly then I sought to borrow plungers to relieve my sorrow. Alas, I slowed it down and nothing more. As the mess was slow subsiding, my thoughts were strong to go a-riding perhaps to find a package store. I jumped astride my motor scooter, a big black bird screamed “Roto-Rooter!” And away go troubles down the drain. Quoth the raven, “Evermore.”

From the classic 1979 ROTO-ROOTER commercial entitled “The Raving”. Which was inspired by and pays homage to Edgar Allen Poe’s literary masterpiece “The Raven.” One must consider what a curious world we live in, when a poetic work of art found itself manipulated into an advertisement for sewer and septic services. One must also consider, even if this was just a clever marketing ploy, that it also displayed the wide spread influence of the late writer’s works. Poe’s writings continue to inspire, influence and play a part in our modern culture. And, over the decades since his death have gone far beyond toilet and drain problems. Case in point (and the point of this whole thing) would be the eclectic legacy of the “Poe Toaster;” a legacy which is shrouded in mystery.

Quite possibly as early as the 1930’s, a bizarre yearly ritual began in the cemetery containing the original resting spot and grave marker of the famous author. At midnight on January 19th (the eve of Poe’s birth) a dark figure would enter the cemetery dressed in black with a wide brimmed hat and white scarf covering his features. He would pour himself a glass of cognac and raise a toast to Poe’s memory. Then vanish into the night, leaving three roses in a distinctive arrangement and the unfinished bottle. To this day the identity of the toaster remains a mystery. A mystery which may never find resolution.

Since the 1950’s the toaster’s annual visit has been witnessed and verified. However, he has failed to make an appearance for the last three years. Some say it is fitting that the tradition came to an end on the bicentenary of Poe’s birth. Still there is some speculation that there may be other factors at play which closed the curtains on the tradition.

On two separate occasions (2002 & 2006) spectators to the event tried to detain the toaster to discover his true identity. In more recent years imposters have arrived at the site neither hiding their identity nor entering the grounds in secret. This may have taken away from the significance of his presence in the toaster’s eyes: if anybody can do it, why bother? This is the problem with today’s society. We can’t sit back and enjoy a lasting homage, wrapped in mystery with a touch of romance without wanting to know everything about it and try to selfishly become part of it. We slay the wonders of our world by our own advocation and then wonder why our world is such a tiresome bore.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via through Focus, or e-mail me at chainsawo53@aol.com.

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya.