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Living Within The Sliding Puzzle

January 15, 2015

The House o’ Saw is a simple, classically styled three bedroom brick home circa 1964, with an enclosed single-car garage and full basement, sitting on a tidy little half-acre plot. Tragically it has only one, very condensed, bathroom. Which is currently shared by three adults and one Tot. Now we could spend the next several paragraphs going into detail about what that implies. Not to mention the countless adventures to be had with a toddler who’s “need to go” comes into play the exact moment someone else is going. And though that topic would still fit within the titles parameters (use your imagination here) that’s a story for another day. What you need to take away from this opening paragraph is the house’s general size. There’s room to move, but not a lot.

The house came into my possession in the mid-90’s at quite a bargain because I knew the owners... I grew-up in the house next door. My parents assured me that they were moving to a peaceful mountain getaway in the next few years (nobody wants to have the folks next door...well some do but they usually just never leave the basement). To this day I can still wave to my mother every evening when I pull in from work. Now herein lies another topic worthy of some analysis. “life next to the folks.” But that too is a story for another day.

So what are we talking about here? Aside from blind, dead end alleys this tale appears to be going nowhere fast. With the stage set we move along into the first act with the arrival of Lil Red my adored spouse. By the time she moved in I had been in residence for over a decade and amassed quite an assorted collection of random crap, with interests ranging from movie paraphernalia to bizarrely priceless antiques. Upon taking it all in she summed it all up in one tidy little word: “eclectic.” Eclectic is defined by Webster’s as deriving ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources. However, Webster’s fails to mention that it is somewhat contagious. Shortly after our mutual merger Red too became an eclectic collector. WARNING—when eclectically collecting one must be selective in one’s collection. Failure to do so and you cross that fine line into hoarding.

Currently our collecting (eclectic or otherwise) has hit a bit of a snag, with our daughter and grandson taking up residence, till they find a place all their own. Now with two households, within a household, it’s almost more than the house can hold. Thus an agreement to put our collecting adventures on hold had to be made. Still there’re some things you just can’t pass up.

Case in point: Heavy Metal Magazine started a 1/4 scale statue series of Heavy Metal cover characters. The first in this series is the sultry futuristic cyber-cop from the January 2003 issue-one of my personal favorites. Due to limited release numbers, my delightfully understanding spouse (who supports my collection of bizarre retro femme fatale) ordered one for me as a Xmas gift.

Now here’s where this article’s title finally comes into play.

With smaller items you can just scootch things around and make a little space. A two foot tall, highly detailed resin statue of a futuristic cyber cop is a different matter all together. The obvious solution is to put it in the tall display case. Of course the collection of assorted anime bunny-girls will have to come out of said case. However they’ll fit nicely into the elongated case we can bring up from downstairs...after we remove the wife’s crystal items from it. That’s OK, because those will fit nicely into the corner cabinet in the dining room. But what about the 20 + Furry Bone figurines that reside there now? That’s easy, those li’l buggers will look much better displayed stadium style in a 20 gallon aquarium...we have one empty. So where do we put this aquarium full of figurines? Ummm, on the shelf... where the Tot’s toys are. As a matter of fact we can turn that whole shelf into an aquarium filled collection case! And the Tot toys? Well we can move the shelf closer to the work bench, slide the record player stand down, move that antique desk to the other side of the room and put his toy box in the corner...over there. Yes, but what about all the dis-shelved toys? I’m getting to that. Hmm, OK...well...damn. Maybe I’ll just leave the futuristic cyber cop in her box.

Next week: Something decidedly more direct and less distracted!

Questions, comments and column ideas are welcome via through the Focus, or just E-mail me at or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




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