Another One Of Those Days

February 2, 2012

In recent years the bar scene has become tiresome and seems to have lost its appeal for myself with the discovery that it’s a hell of a lot cheaper to just drink at home. Of course when in the privacy of one’s own abode, there seems little purpose in drinking to loosen one’s inhibitions. You’re already free to do whatever you want without consequence...for the most part. So the purpose of consuming alcoholic beverages seems pretty moot. Oh I’m still drinking en masse, only here of late it’s been mostly coffee. LOTS of coffee! Mostly in the late afternoon and early evening hours, especially as the weekend is drawing to a close. Which will inevitably lead to- another one of those days.

3:45 am on a Monday morning finds me wishing I’d said no to the question of, “Do you want another cup?” Shake, flush, stagger back to bed, hoping sleep finds me before the urge strikes anew. My eyes close, fighting a desperate battle against the lingering caffeine rush. Oh gawd, what is that annoying noise? How can anyone rest with the alarm clock buzzing? Already? Teetering on the bed’s edge, debating on whether or not this would make a good “sick day.” My kidneys decide for me with another trip to the facilities. Well as long as I’m getting up to pee, I might as well go to work.

Arriving at work, the pressure in my urinary tract has abated. The routine restroom visits interrupted by the slowly passing work day and several bottles of bottled water come at their regular intervals. By the work day’s end it seems all is well with the world...until the drive home.

It strikes at the quarter mark of the 35 minute drive. Initially its pushed to the side with little discomfort. Seconds later, the pressure rapidly builds; making me aware that “discomfort” is what it’s all about. Normally, holding it back is not an issue. But on occasion you get hit with the human equivalent of the Hoover Dam. This was such an occasion. Accelerate and try not to think about it. Ever notice when you try not to think about something it’s all you can think about? Interesting, I never noticed how many bridges I crossed on my way home. Each with a sparkling stream flowing...must think of other things! The ocean...a steady rain...a babbling brook...a waterfall...a warm shower...this isn’t working and by now you’ve got to pee, too!

I’m in no-man’s-land, there are no convenience stores, but there is an abandoned house. It has an overgrown yard, and trees flanking the sides. Whip in, hop out, run around back and whip it out and...HALLELUJAH sweet relief is mine. Until an authoritative female voice says “Hold it!” I couldn’t hold it which is why I stopped and now I am holding it so I don’t get tinkle on me. When the voice tells me to “Put your hands on your head and turn around!” I realize a weak bladder is the least of my worries.

Knowing in advance it’s a bad idea but in fear of getting shot I do as I’m told, unintentionally pointing at the officer in the process. There are moments when all training goes out the window and there is no proper procedure to follow. This was her moment. We faced each other, guns drawn. Not liking uncomfortable silences I said the first thing that came to mind, “Uh, I really had to go!” After an awkward moment she sent me on my way with a light warning. Perhaps, she understood I meant no harm or had been impressed with the size of my...polite and sincere nature!

Later that evening my wife and I shared a laugh as I recounted the events. When I finished she noted my empty cup and ask if I’d like refill. “Sure,” I said with a smile. Looks like tomorrow may turn out to be one of those days.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via through Focus, or e-mail me at chainsawo53@aol.com.

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya.