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Older And...Wiser?

September 3, 2015

It is surmised that wisdom accompanies age with the passage of time. This makes sense in that the longer a person lives the more knowledge they will gain. Thus it is certainly reasonable to believe that a person will gain a higher level of intelligence and understanding of life and its workings with time. It is also said that education comes from experience. This too follows a logical train of thought. If someone learns something from each new experience they encounter in life then their life knowledge and common sense should increase with the passage of time. This being said it formulates the equation that age + experience = wisdom, or older equals wiser. However, in reality, this logical formula proves to be more theoretical than factual.

Let’s be honest; some old people are stupid. This is not to say that all older people are stupid, only teenagers think that, because they know everything. That is until they’re old enough to realize they don’t. Of course older people think those younger than themselves are mostly clueless idiots. That is until they are old enough to remember they too were idiots at one time. It’s all a relative matter of perspective. When we are younger, older people seem obliviously ignorant. In turn the older we get the more foolish younger people seem to become. So where are we going with this? At this point it seems we’ve established the possibility that we’re all stupid in someone else’s eyes. Dumb is in the eye of the beholder, perhaps? Let’s leave the highly intellectual sounding rabble behind, get back to the title point and to make it make sense interject—

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO...ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME-EEEE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOOOOO- MEEEEEE! :-O WHOOT-WHOOT!!!

Yes, I have survived another year on this floating dirtball we call home. So during that year have I gained any wisdom, (enough to counter-balance the aging part of it)? Hmmm I’m not really sure how to go about measuring one’s own increase of intellect. I like to think I’m dumber than some and smarter than most. But with age I have learned that your intelligence is not a self-determined thing. Our level of intelligence is usually judged by those around us. Since you’re already here it would seem the best thing to do now would be to share a snippet of my acquired knowledge with you. Then you can determine my age-to-wise ratio. So without further ado a quick compilation of stuff I know.

Contrary to cartoons, hitting oneself in the head with a rubber mallet hurts. In addition, if you strike it hard enough on a table the recoil from said mallet is enough to pop you in the face…this is off to a bad start.

Getting married is easy. Staying married is hard. Divorce is a nightmare. Being alone is sad, but being alone with someone who doesn’t love you is pointless.

A group of bears is called a sleuth. Bears are perhaps the scariest things ever. Bears will get you! OK we went from acquired knowledge to personal paranoia…does versatility give me smart points? Actually, a divorce and a bear attack are very similar.

Time travel will never be possible. I have yet to come back and tell myself differently. There is nothing new under the sun. The human race revels in a never-ending entertainment and technological loop. The value of any antique or collectible is only truly determined by how much someone is willing to pay for it. They are called board games not bored games. An old piece of carpeting is probably the best way to kill unwanted grass. It’s probably best to smoke grass while lying on unwanted carpet. The term “repeat-offender” should not exist. Child molesters shouldn’t be registered, they should be put down.

Spandex is a privilege not a right.

Too much sweet tea will give you a beer gut. Too much beer can kill you.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but a smile from a happy tot is priceless. Grandparenting is way easier than parenting. Having a child around is the best excuse to play with cool toys.

Preparing a safe house for the next civil war may override the need for a zombie apocalypse shelter. Zombies are not re…OK I refuse to be that smart yet. Umm…marrying your best friend is a good idea. Marrying someone based on looks and hot sex is also a good idea…for about three months. Did I mention the divorce bear attack thing yet?

OK so that’s about it, or at least all I have room for.

So what do you think? Have I gained insurmountable wisdom with age? You’re input is valued and important and your opinion matters. Though I must point out that I am old enough to know that opinions are like a**holes and I will probably just ignore your a**! Oh well, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

Questions, comments and column ideas are welcome via through the Focus, or just E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

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