Of The Apes
September 11, 2014
WALKING THE MILE...
There is an old American proverb, by an unknown author, that goes something like this: “Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes.”
For our purposes here we will alter the phrase slightly to be a little more politically correct, less chauvinistic and so no one feels left out and say: “Don’t judge a PERSON until you’ve walked a mile in THEIR shoes.”
So with this logic in mind, here is what we should do to gain a better understanding of our fellow man. Upon meeting someone for the first time, commandeer their foot wear. You may have to shove them down to get at their shoes. Maybe even ask friends for assistance if complicated lacing is involved. When the shoes are acquired get them on quickly and run. If you walk they may catch you and take them back before you’re done trying to evaluate their possibility of being your friend. During this part of the judging process you can analyze their physical fitness and level of determination if they give chase.
Of course there’s something to be said about their character if they just stand there looking shocked or yelling. Feel free to count the distance used to evade them as part of the mile, after all people don’t just “walk” in their shoes.
When you have managed to escape your new potential friend and gone a mile, stop. Not exactly sure how you would tell unless you had a working geographical knowledge of the area so use your best judgment. Be wary though;; you are now guilty of aggravated assault and theft. Hopefully your new buddy hasn’t called the cops.
Now at this point many would modify the original quote and add, “Don’t judge a PERSON until you’ve walked a mile in THEIR shoes. Then you’re a mile away, you have their shoes and can think whatever you want.” However if you took their shoes and walked away in them didn’t you leave your own shoes behind? There was never any mention of picking up your shoes and taking them with you. So this wouldn’t benefit you in any way unless the person wore the exact same size of a more expensive or newer pair of kicks. Of course this would be different if you were barefooted. But then you couldn’t get near the person you want to get to know because you have no shoes for them to walk a mile in to get to know you better.
In addition to the obvious loss of your own shoes there are other issues. What if your now sock-footed comrade had smaller feet? Or what if they had some sort of contagious foot fungus? Which would surely become active after a mile long hike. Your attempt to get to know someone and have a better understanding of them could have dire consequences. Think of the possible damage to your legs and lower back not to mention explaining your exploits to a podiatrist.
So what have we learned? Well, other than your victim’s dislike for being mugged and preference in foot wear. Oh and that you are a violent thief with a possible foot fetish.
So...what have we learned? It’s highly possible that the lesson here is that when taken literally, old sayings and proverbs are stupid. It can also be surmised through sheer logic that if you want to get to know someone better, stealing their shoes is probably not the best way to start.
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Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!