Hot Enough For Ya?

July 29, 2010

No, let’s jack up the thermostat a few more degrees and see if we pass out or go insane first. Please, I implore you, let us let this mindless inquiry go the way of the “N” word and find its way out of human speech. Nothing is more frustrating (nor seems more ignorant) than someone popping that question out when you’re both dripping sweat. However, to be quite honest - it’s hot! Now if you’ll excuse me I must go and prepare my acceptance speech for the Stating the Over-Obvious Award.

Now of course you know with the smothering heat everyone’s thinking the same thing: time for a barbeque! Yes, nothing says- “let’s go outside and cook over open flames” more than the temperature cresting a cool hundred degrees. What moron came up with the idea that starting a fire and cooking over it, during the hottest part of the year, was a good idea? Not only are you literally adding fuel to the fire but there’s all the bugs and flying insects to contend with this time of year. Wouldn’t it make a helluva lot more sense to do this during the winter? Ooo a Christmas barbeque, how neato!

Anywho… it is hotter than Hades out there. So aside from not cooking outside here are a few friendly suggestions to keep you cool and avoid death from heat stroke.

Chainsaw’s Helpful Tips on- How not to get so hot it makes you throw up!

1) Avoid barbequing! At least wait until the fall when the weather’s a little more accommodating and it’s not so unpleasant for the guy running the grill.

2) Cook less, mid-day meals especially. The oven and stove put off quite a bit of heat and you’re just countering that air-conditioning you’re paying for. Cold sandwiches never killed anybody…well there was that one guy…

3) Eat less or have several smaller meals especially if you plan on being out-of-doors. This will help prevent that throwing-up thing. If you’re too hot to eat, then don’t.

4) Stay hydrated. Consume plenty of liquids to keep your body replenished.

5) Drinking beer or other alcoholic beverages will not keep your body replenished. It will actually have the opposite effect. So get cooled off first and then drink indoors. There’s softer stuff to fall on inside if you replenish yourself too much.

6) Limit your running. Try to avoid repetitive trips out to the store and don’t bitch about the heat if you’re out shopping because there’s nothing good on TV.

7) Limit your time outdoors and try to stay in the shade when you are out.

8) If you must be outside for work, take occasional breaks to cool down. Your boss will be happier losing a little time than he would be paying a hospital bill.

9) Being naked outside does not help in avoiding the heat. However, depending on who all’s naked can make it a lot more bearable and fun.

10) Being naked inside can be beneficial to cooling down. But once again depending on who else is naked things can get real hot real quick. So maybe that’s not a good plan…then again it might be a great plan.

11) Keep your AC set at a constant temperature. It may cost you a bit more at times but it is far easier to keep a house cool than it is to cool it down.

12) If you have window AC units be sure to have some fans to help circulate the cooler air throughout the house so everyone’s comfy.

13) If you’re naked stay away from the fans! Trust me on this one.

So everybody try and stay as cool as possible, even if you’re a dork and no one thinks you’re cool. Oh and if you’re wondering- yes it is hot enough and it’s going to get hotter but no worries I’m pretty sure the AC on the short bus is working just fine.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via through the Focus, or e-mail me at chainsawo53@aol.com.

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused!