So G,

I’ve been separated since Thanksgiving 2016. Spouse left physically after leaving emotionally several years earlier. I’m an extroverted personality and I flirt quite often. But because of my sense of wit and (sometimes) straight-forwardness, I’m not always taken seriously.

I met a rather interesting lady while the wife and I were still together, but kept my distance. Now that I’m officially “on the market,” how do I relay my interest in this person, who up til now…I’m sure considered me as a “professional associate” of sorts. We both apparently have very busy and odd schedules, but I’d love to sit down over a glass or two of wine (or preferred adult beverage) and see if our respective senses of humor are compatible enough to betray the possibility of something a little more romantic. Your thoughts…?

Sincerely,
Karaoke Guy

Dear Karaoke Guy,

Sorry to hear about the collapse of your marriage, however, it appears you are progressing forward, a positive and healthy attitude. As far as dating, experts will tell you to buy a house plant and then wait a year. The thought being if you can keep a house plant alive for a year, you’ll be ready to extend the care and attention a new relationship requires to thrive.

Lucky for you, I’m not an expert. My advice: If the emotional fog from your previous relationship has lifted and you feel confident you are perceiving situations clearly, for maybe the first time, then yes, start dating, if that is your aspiration.

Now, as for the intended object of your heart’s desire. May I suggest establishing two facts. First: Is she available. Second: Is she interested. Theoretically, if she’s available, you’ll only discover her level of mutual attraction if you are able to effectively strut your stuff. However, if you’re truly as big a flirt as you claim, it may be difficult for her to view you under a new light. Although, a glass or two of wine could illuminate your compatibilities.
Smiles, G

Dear G,

I’ve long awaited a definitive answer to the proverbial debate: Over or under, the toilet paper hang. Can you settle this once and for all?

Thanks,
Hung Up in Hiddenite

Dear Hung Up,

Although, 60-70 percent will say Over, leaving 30-40 percent who prefer Under, Committed Overs have been known to smugly get on a roll and refer to the patent drawing showing the paper hanging from the front. However, digging a little deeper, which I did, a concise explanation states the drawing Wheeler (the inventor) drew was intended only to show the functionality, not the intended Over or Under preference. Plus, logic dictates, if the sketched toilet paper was drawn hanging from the back it would have interfered with illustrating the mounting apparatus, nor clearly reveal the perforation lines.

ToiletPaperMy preference: Under. Entirely based on experience and upheld by Newton’s Third Law of Motion: for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. The Under approach offers added resistance when unrolling, making it easily a one-handed operation. Also, highly recommended in households with felines or toddlers. In contrast, unless you own a toilet paper mounting unit which allows the roll to rest against a surface, then you have the more popular ‘free spin’ unit.

Now, let’s imagine you’re in a hurry while sitting on the porcelain throne of an Over. Swiftly grasping a square to unwind your desired Angel Soft cushion… Oops! That darn roll kept on rolling, creating a white cloud of paper on the floor. Suddenly, it’s a two-handed situation because now you’re doing the rewind. Desperately endeavoring to replicate the efficiently quilted original… KNOCK! KNOCK! …someone’s nature is calling. NOW!

In conclusion, the patent sketch served a visual purpose only, neither suggesting nor proposing paper orientation. Bottom line, it’s personal.

Whew! Settled. Finally. Or not…
Smiles, G

Dear Ask G,
What is the proper attire for sunbathing?
Appalachian Tan Lines

Dear Tan Lines,
Sunscreen.
Smiles, G

Ask G aims to encourage, inspire, inform, advise and entertain!  Please send questions to DearAskG@gmail.com

 

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